The Ideal Wargamer’s Partner

Wargamers, like any specialist hobbyist, have there own particular foibles which are endearing to some (but maybe not everyone).

The ideal partner for a wargamer needs 22 attributes. See how you rate in this amusing article. Or perhaps you can think of some more?-


1.            Understands that the new buffet is a perfect place to keep the terrain that had nowhere else to go.

2.            Is happy to provide space in the kitchen for 5 months for the construction of a large cardboard model absolutely vital for the open day.

3.            Is perfectly delighted to discover that the large cardboard model that took three cars to transport is for 3-dimensional “wall paper” on open day, and not for use in the scenario.

4.            Is thrilled to find that the new glass cupboard is needed for display of old books dealing with various historical periods.

5.            Is always pleased to find their partner stressed out because the new set of rules means that all the figures have to be rebased before the competition starts next week.

6.            Is happy to holiday in Canberra every Australia Day weekend, so that the wargamer can attend CanCon.

7.            Doesn’t write sarcastic articles for the club newsletter.

8.            Is comfortable telling people that their partner is away playing wargames.

9.            Is quite happy to be alone every second Friday night.

10.        Considers themselves extra fortunate if their partner also visits Croydon on a Saturday afternoon as well.

11.        Loves visiting second hand military bookshops when on holiday in an exciting new city.

12.        Knows the address of every Games Workshop in Melbourne and enjoys stopping there to look at the little packets of unpainted lead and plastic.

13.        Understands that just because the buffet is full of unpainted figures, it is still necessary to go out and buy a whole lot more figures for a new army.

13.        Can help add up the points in any DBM or 40K army correctly, even the Later Medieval German List.

14.        Is willing to listen for hours to detailed battle reports.

15.        Understands that “of course you would have won” if only the dice god’s were not against you.

16.        Empathises with the disappointment of owning a set of dice which only roll 1’s and 2’s.

17.        Understands that a dining table is not for eating at.

18.        Goes to Spotlight for you to find material that is exactly the right shade of green.

16.        Goes back again to Spotlight to buy pieces of magnet board, florists wire, cake stands and other haberdashery when all they wanted was 2 metres of lace for ballet costumes.

17.        Reads White Dwarf or Miniature Wargames and understands the humour (yay Loki).

18.        Helps paint figures (especially the urgent ones that are suddenly needed two days before the Open day)

19.        Reads Osprey books and can tell the significance of different epaulette colours.

20.        Doesn’t vacuum under the painting table, because you never know what might have fallen off one of the figures under construction.

21.        Is quite happy to play with the children and keep them quiet while their partner has friends over and takes over the playroom.

22.        Is thrilled when their son grows old enough to start his own armies, and start the cycle of unpainted figures all over again.

Dedicated to all those partners out there – you know exactly what I mean!

But at least it keeps them off the streets.

This is a reprint of an article Tricia wrote for the club magazine.


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